PPC: The long way: The ten walkers
by meekerbeeker
Summary: Assassins Sarah and Alana go after an angsty, attention craving Slytherin witch with a penchant for screwing up both the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings continuums. And when the title isn't even capitalised... they know they're in for it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or the PPC, and Eru forbid I own the original fanfiction this is based on. If you want to read the original, it can be found on my profile page.

* * *

Recap: When we last left our heroes, they had recruited the two identical (though strangely, the laws of genetics didn't seem to apply when it came to eye colour) sisters of the Water Bender, Legolas pursuing, Mary-Sue. This is what happened… and then what happened after that.

* * *

Maharet and Miya stared at the now thoroughly human assassins. They glanced at each other, obviously assessing the situation. Chances were that they did not regard Sarah as particularly threatening, given her bright green flip-flops, bouncy curls, and vague expression. Alana, the ugly wolf, and the flaming demon thing were quite a different matter. It was probably due to these factors that they did not attempt to take control. 

Sarah, seizing her self-appointed position as tour guide and supreme negotiator, drew herself up to her full height of 5'2 and gave a large fake smile. "Welcome to PPC Response Center 83. Home for us. Not home for you. Let's get a move on shall we?"

"Where is our sister?" Maharet asked suddenly. Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Haven't you been listening? She had to be… disposed of."

Miya's arms stretched out. Alana and Sarah, recalling the tidal wave that followed when the Mary-Sue sister had done that very same thing, looked alarmed. Their worry was short lived however, as the girl's arms quickly dropped, her eyes widening. "Why can't I create fire?!"

Alana smiled grimly and shrugged, turning her back on the pair. "It's for everyone's good. And because it's stupid. Get used to it."

Swiftly, Miya drew her katana and sprang toward the offending agent. In the movies, the hero always seems to know when this is going to happen, and manages to do something impressive to halt being cut in half.

This was not a movie. There wasn't even any slow motion.

This is why, for a full several seconds, Sarah had no idea what was going on. It eventually registered that Miya was pinned to the floor, the warg's teeth dangerously close to her neck. Maharet was busy wringing her hands. Alana had an oddly satisfied expression on her face.

"For the love of Eru, call off your warg Alana. Soon as she promises not to do it again of course."

Alana laid a hand on the warg's back. "You did great Zenith, but don't kill her yet, ok?" She stared coldly at Miya. "Look, we can do this the hard way if you want. In other words, your sister watching you die before we recruit her… or kill her too, her choice. Or you can stop this nonsense. Menkaure deserved what was coming to her, and you probably know that. So can you agree to be reasonable? Or is Zenith going to get an early lunch?"

Miya looked up at the grey eyes. There was no sympathy there, no regret for her sister's death… only cold indifference, and a spark of amusement. She would probably enjoy seeing her die.

There was a long pause. "… Ok, I'll join you."

A bit melodramatic, but it did the trick. Alana tapped the warg, who unwillingly stepped back.

_Why you want to let her live?_

"It talks!"

"In a manner of speaking," Sarah mumbled. Alana ignored them, preferring to throw her arms around the warg in a rare show of affection.

"Because we get vacation. Thanks for saving my life." Zenith gently touched her nose against Alana's hand.

_Family._

* * *

Getting rid of the two recruits had been simple. It involved shoving them into the SO's office, calling out that they wanted a pay raise and/or vacation, and running like a pair of doorbell ditchers back to their Response Center so as to avoid any more contact with the former Elemental-Benders.

Sarah stumbled through the door and headed straight for the couch. "God, I need a rest."

"Don't!-" But it was too late. Sarah collapsed onto the small sofa.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"Narrative Laws of Comedy, remember?" Alana said with a reproving glare.

"Damn it… forgot." Sarah idly stroked Udomiel, the mini. "So… what've we got?"

"I hate crossovers. Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings. Mostly 'Rings though. And an unbearable Mary-Sue from the looks of it."

There was a knock at the door. Sarah frowned slightly. "Should I get it?"

"Why not?"

"Dunno… old habits from avoiding the uber-pious neighbors trying to get us to go back to church." Reluctantly clambering to her feet, she strode over to the door and opened it. And then screamed. Alarmed, Alana's hand subconsciously reached for the stolen katana, but she need not have worried. Sarah's arms were currently wrapped around a rather surprised, but nonetheless pleased, guy. He dropped his pack and swung her in the air.

"Ican'tbelieveyou'rehere!I'vemissedyousomuch!"

Alana cleared her throat. Reluctantly, Sarah extracted herself from their embrace. "Oh yeah. Danny, this is my associate." Alana held out her hand.

"Agent Alana, Lord of the Rings, Mary-Sue division." He smiled politely. Politely but genuinely.

"Agent Daniel, Harry Potter Crossovers, Supervisor of Magic in Other Continuums."

"Huh?" This slightly unintelligent remark came from Sarah, who had headed over to the screen and was scanning over the report with an expression of horror.

"The magic in Harry Potter tends to cause a huge problem in crossovers. So I'm supposed to come along and make sure it doesn't get out of control." Alana nodded.

"Well, welcome to the team. Sarah, how does the situation look?"

"Not good. Not good at all. Let's just go with that. We'll easily have a charge list by Rivendell."

Alana, who had been telling Zenith not to attack the newcomer, glanced over the screen. "Elves should do it. Agent Daniel, which elven clan do you prefer?"

"I'm not that familiar with the Lord of the Rings Continuum. So anything's ok."

"He can be Noldorin with me. Alana, can you ask your warg to pick up whatever's at the Mail Depot?"

_I be right here. Ask me yourself._

The younger agent glared at the warg. In a non-threatening manner of course, since she had no desire to be maimed. "Fine. Would you be ever-so-kind as to fetch the parcel and/or parcels which are apparently awaiting us at the Mail Depot? Please?"

_Yes._

"And now that we've got that all cleared up, let's get this over with," Alana growled impatiently. Yes, growled. Nobody ever said she was normal. Sarah was quite used to this by now, and Danny was so desensitized to weirdness that he didn't bat an eye.

The trio stepped through the portal. "This ain't Hogwarts love," Danny remarked.

"_Isn't_." Sarah had the inability to refrain from correcting grammatical errors. Nonetheless, she couldn't help but glance at Alana to gauge her reaction to her friend's… familiarity with which he managed to treat everyone he met. Her partner wasn't exactly the friendly type.

Much to her surprise, Alana ignored the endearment, locating some shrubbery to conceal them from the Sue upon her arrival. "She never makes it to Hogwarts. And she's only there for about five minutes- the hell is that?" The other agents glanced in the direction that she was pointing.

_**Right in its middle something really strange was happening. There was a kind of "tear," something like a spot that was growing larger and larger. Beyond its jagged "borders" was only a confused blue-violet mass, like storming clouds carried by the wind.**_

But none of this compared to the… noise. There was really no other word for it. The author had, for reasons unknown, decided that speech ought to look something like this: ((This story seriously blows)). Quotation marks were apparently not good enough for Miss Mary-Sue. It was just plain weird.

And then… She appeared.

_**She could have been between thirteen and eighteen years old, it wasn't easy to tell. She had a girl's body, but there was something about her that made her look older. She had straight hair, lighter than Frodo's, dark complexion and violet eyes. As a whole, she was quite a common girl.**_

"How the hell do you manage to look common with violet eyes?! _Violet_ I ask you!"

With a growing sense of dread, the agents looked on as the girl said she was **_in no mood to be laughed at_** for no discernable reason, followed by her eyes **_flashing dangerously_**. The situation only became worse as Aragorn flippantly dismissed Sam's entirely logical concerns that she may be a spy. Eventually, Sarah resigned herself to flopping onto the ground and covering her face while Alana searched for her CAD.

**Aragorn. Human Male. Canon. Out of Character 87.425**

**Frodo Baggins. Hobbit Male. Canon. Out of Character 63.86**

"Ugh, _why _do they always have to have cute little animal friends?"

Alana shook her head and grimaced as **_her gaze, cold as ice until then, softened as she stroked his feathers_**. She was really looking forward to shooting the Sue's infernal bird. "I just work here."

_**Maybe feeling his gaze on her, the girl turned to look at him for a moment. Frodo felt a blush creeping on his cheeks, but he didn't look away. **_

"You're better than that Frodo… resist her charms," Sarah was heard to mutter, rocking back and forth. Danny cast her a concerned glance.

"Does she always get like this?"

"Only when it comes to Frodo. Otherwise she keeps her head pretty well. A tad spacey, but she gets the job done." Danny grinned.

"Yeah, that sounds like her. She liked to complete her school assignments several days after the deadline, and managed to invent some elaborate excuse to get out of losing points. The teachers always bought it of course."

Alana looked over at Sarah, who had perched herself on a rock in order to rummage through her bag. "Up. They're about to leave."

"Hang on just a sec'." Sarah finally emerged, grasping a small, wooden rosary. "Young and old at the same time… strange eyes… something sad about her… sound familiar?" She cast a meaningful glance at Danny. He stared at her for a moment, and then his face cleared.

"I'm guessing… Twilight."

Alana blinked. "Are either of you going to tell me what you're on about?"

"Twilight. Excellent vampire romance. For a teenage romance novel I mean," Sarah added hastily. "The description of her… matches. Of course, crosses don't affect those ones. But it's worth a try, isn't it? After all, she _is _from the Harry Potter fandom, not Twilight. Or whatever that series is called."

Danny shook his head. "Honestly, there isn't much of a connection. She's no Edward. Well, he's a guy, so… no Alice. Or Rosalie. In any case," he said, addressing Alana, "it's a completely Mary-Sueish series."

"Is not! The vampires are only perfect 'cause that's the way their species is. Like the elves. You don't call Tolkien's elves Mary-Sues do you?"

"The main character's human."

"But it makes sense! The only reason all of the boys fancy her in the first book is because she's the new girl in a small school… you _know _that's the way it was in _our _high school. And she was believable."

Alana cleared her throat. "As much as I hate to break this up, the Mary-Sue's leaving."

"Right. Got it." Sarah grabbed Daniel's proffered hand and stood up, flashing a cheery, fake grin at her partner (and pulling the rosary over her neck for good measure. After all, she wasn't Catholic, and she could get away with that sort of thing.).

Hours passed. Victoria bitched. Frodo flirted.

"You know, her dark hints about her past are reminding me of people who put themselves down all the time, fishing for compliments. She's just waiting for someone to ask her about herself so she can be all sad and angsty," Sarah said angrily. They had settled down just outside the watchtower, safely concealed behind a wall. Alana opened her mouth to agree, but was interrupted by Merry and Pippin, who were now apparently taking Boromir's place as resident woman-hater.

**_((What could she do with a sword?)) Merry spoke up. ((Drop it on her own foot?)) _**

_**((Girls are silly and clumsy.)) Pippin backed him up.**_

"What the hell?" Danny's face was etched with disbelief. "Where did _that_ come from?"

Alana looked as though she didn't know what to say. She probably didn't. It was Sarah who broke the silence. "We've got an hour before it all starts. Cards?"

"I've got Family Guy on my ipod," Danny said with a grin.

"I _love _you!"

* * *

_**((What are you doing?)) **_

Sarah, who had been dozing on Daniel's shoulder, awoke with a "Whatzzat?!" Hearing Frodo's voice had the tendency to snap her out of whatever she had been doing.Alana shot her a Look, pressing her finger to her lips.

"Crispy bacon sounds good," Danny mumbled.

_**((What's this mess?)) Victoria asked, coming out from another room right in that moment. **_

Apparently, Weathertop was now a multi-room complex.

The agents watched as the Ringwraiths approached the hobbits and Mary-Sue. Daniel frowned as a wraith was thrown against the wall with Expelliarmus. He'd have to check up on it later. _Everyone _quietly cheered when the Sue was grabbed around the throat. It was too much to hope that that would be the end of her.

**_The Nazgul tightened his grip on her neck, not allowing her to breathe, and raised his armed arm to strike her. Right as he prepared to bury his sword in her stomach – he was already foretasting the hot human blood that soon would have tinged with red his iron-gloved hands and his black cloak – when something unbelievable happened. The half-unconscious girl's eyes opened suddenly and rolled back, lit by a green light, and a silvery aura wrapped her body. Her left hand seized him by his wrist with unexpected strength and firmness. He didn't have time to be astonished because a flash of purple light hit him violently, forcing him to lose his grip and drop on the ground, a prey to a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time -- pain._**

"That power doesn't even exist in the Harry Potter universe!" Danny muttered. Alana whipped out her notebook and pencil.

_Giving the Nazgul the power of foretasting- and wanting human blood (possibly part-vampires?)_

"At least she didn't mess up Frodo being stabbed," Danny pointed out as Frodo let out a **_heart-rending scream_**. Sarah nodded in agreement, but couldn't resist stopping her ears.

"They're leaving, they'll be a while…" Alana's eyes scanned the story. "Oh… No. No way."

"What?"

"Broom. She flies him to Rivendell on a broom. And Arwen backs her up. And then Aragorn lets Arwen go with them on the broom. Listen to this: 'But remember, if something happens we shall hold you responsible for the consequences.' Yeah, he's only got the bloody ring of power. And you're going to let some girl with powers that even Gandalf can't match fly alone with him and the love of your life on a bloody broomstick. And what _if_ they hold her responsible? It doesn't change the fact that there _were _consequences!" It was the longest speech that Sarah could recall her making.

Danny shook his head disbelievingly. "Let's just… hang out here for a bit. Then we'll portal to Rivendell. Sound good?"

Sarah yawned sleepily. "Sounds nice."

* * *

The Author's Note: This story was turned in by author jules14, so a shout out to her! My updates are coming later and later, and I apologise for that. I'm in overload mode right now with a ridiculous amount of schoolwork and a huge voice competition coming up (wish me luck!) Anyway, I'll try to hurry up with updating this one. And by the way, Danny is in fact a real person, one of my best friends. 


	2. Author's Note and a Preview

Authors Note: Ok folks, since a couple of people have been asking for a sign that I'm alive… I just got back from being a ski bum for two weeks. Didn't have a computer or anything like that. I'll have a proper chapter up in a few days. However, since it's against the rules to have a chapter entirely devoted to an author's note, here's a sneak preview…

* * *

Alana's eyes opened and blinked. Once. Twice. God, she was tired.

Watchtower. Weathertop. Bush. Tree. Footprints. Sunshine. No coffee.

As her mind slowly adjusted to her surroundings, she began to realise that something was wrong. She frowned slightly, sitting up to rub her eyes vigorously. It was hot, and she pushed her blanket off of her.

Sunshine? Wait…

"Shit, we overslept!"

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More coming up in the near future! 


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